Okay well the Montreal trip was, well, interesting. It was fun and amazing except there was interesting weird experiences. Our hotel, was to our surprise, in the gay village of Montreal - now as strange as that may seem, it was a blessing in disguise as it made the trip that extra bit more special. Mainly due to the sheer amount of unreal events that happened. Oh and thank-god the drinking age is only 18, it facilitated some bizarre drunken behavior. But by all accounts it was a fantastic trip, and definitely one to tell the grandchildren!
I am going to rundown the 5 most strange things to happen to me in Montreal 2009, okay everyone hold on to those seats, here goes:
#5 - The Lying Down Game.
Okay some of you know exactly what this is. basically you lie down head down somewhere strange and compete to find the weirdest places! simples. We played it in the room, on the metro train, on the station platform, and all around Montreal. Now this may not seem very weird, but I can assure you, all the local citizens thought it was VERY weird. It was however hilarious and there are some prize peach photos up on the old facebook.
#4 - Metro Hopping.
Okay well were at number 4. Now I hope the Canadian authorities don't come across this one is technically illegal. When the four of us (Me, Katie, Dean and Ruth) decided to head back to the hotel after a failed attempt to find a straight nightclub (yes, you did read that right!) didn't want to pay for another metro ticket we hopped over the turnstiles at the station, luckily the man on guard was probably reading up on his favorite topics of the day, or maybe a sudoku. But whatever he was doing he didn't see us, but I bet the CCTV did. oops.
#3 - Scary Sex Toys.
Okay number 3 people. Now when in Montreal there seems to be plenty of 3 things: gay men, sex toys and cannabis. Now the sex toys are found in the sex shops (which is every other shop in the 'village'), when arriving in most of these shops the conventional Dildo/DVD/Underwear paraphernalia is present; however if you decide to brave the trip 'downstairs' to the basement, you come across a whole lot of other stuff. Let's just say that it included - footlong anal prizers, gimp masks & leather apparel, bondage sheets, basically anything really that a mental nympho can come up with! It was a definite eye opener. and itf you thought the products were weird, wait until you meet the staff. They're a completely different story.
#2 - Mauritius.
Okay here we go. I'm going to have to swallow my pride and tell this one, it's too funny not to really. Okay well it started when Dean mentioned that he wanted to check out the gay club 'unity' not far from our hotel, we all agreed but on a few conditions from me. I was not to be molested. Anyways one drink led to another and we all got very merry and arrived at unity, a few hours and passed and apparently in my drunken state I turned around to Katie and exclaimed "Wouldn't it be the funniest thing ever if I tried to pull a boy?". How much I had to drink I'm not actually sure. Anyway the next thing I knew, I had a guy nibbling on my neck and buying me beers, we eventually ended up calling him Mauritius. Dean couldn't believe it and spent the next few hours laughing at my drunken expense. When I eventually sobered up, I had to obliviously tell this guy I was straight, suffice to say he didn't actually believe me; so I had to tell him I had a boyfriend for him to leave me alone. I think any shred of dignity I ever had I lost that night, oh well. It was the second weirdest thing ever... and despite the obvious confusion of the whole event it was amazingly funny, and provided some seriously good mocking material for a good couple of weeks.
#1 - When a Drag Queen met the Pierce Brosnan.
Okay this is the big one. I classify this as possibly the weirdest and strangest thing to ever happen to me. In terms of confusion, shock and disgust this is clearly the number 1. It all started when walking up and the main avenue in the 'village' where we were staying we came across a drag show. Dean obviously very keen on finding out about it, I was intrigued as well and walked up to the entrance. We found a drag queen sat perched on a stool by the door wearing a rather large and extravagant red hat and coat, combined with the token drag makeup and black latex trousers. Things were going fine as we discussed ticket prices and the like, however I made the crucial mistake of asking for a photo with him (or her, as I'm told I have to reference them). So after the photo he looks at me and then without any chance to save myself he delves a hand down my shirt and looks down, "oooh, only a real man has that kind of hair!". Oh shite, I thought. I was in a state of shock, before I could fight for freedom he'd yanked a clump of chest hair (which I call the Pierce Brosnan) off me and then popped the lot into his mouth in front of me and chewed, "mmmmmm, tasty" he said with those eyes that only a perverse homosexual fifty year old man could muster. Of course the other three were beside themselves, and I was purely violated. It is the single most weirdest moment ever, I will never forget how unexpected and strange the whole ordeal was.
And that's the highlights. Check out the photos for more insights into my Montreal trip 2009. Thanks for reading so far, oh and Happy Halloween!!
